Coming Home, Housekeeping and Cheers!

            It’s been over two weeks since I last posted here on my blog.  As you know, I’ve been away from home.  I took my sixteen-year-old son on his college tour through California.  As daunting as the itinerary looked on paper, it proved even more so in reality.  Twelve schools in thirteen days, a rehearsal dinner, a wedding, a day-after brunch and a little sightseeing was just a wee bit much for me.  By the middle of day nine, I was thoroughly exhausted and sick as a dog.  And that was the day of the wedding rehearsal and dinner, one day before the wedding itself.  Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy myself as much as I wanted or expected.  Not one drink passed my lips and my feet only touched the dance floor to take photos of my family members as they frolicked with drunken glee.

            But the trip was not wasted.  Though I spent the last five days of it coughing and blowing my stuffy nose, I enjoyed my time with my son.  We spent many hours on the road together, talking about so many things.  We flitted from school to school, discussing the merits or drawbacks of each, what we liked and hated, and whether or not “that feeling” was there the moment we stepped out of the car.  Afterwards, we would be tourists and go to the beach, visit the city, tour a ballpark or have a nice meal.  He even managed to drag me to a San Francisco Giants baseball game though I was quite ill and wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and sleep.  All in all, it was a time of bonding I will cherish forever and never forget.  And the trip served its purpose; my son now has a list of his top schools to apply to:

            #1 - University of San Francisco

            #2 - University of California at Berkeley

            #3 - California State University at San Diego

            #4 - Santa Clara University

            #5 - California State University at San Francisco

My list would have been slightly different in that I loved the University of California at San Diego over Cal State San Diego and I would also change the order of the first four, but overall, we were on the same page about most schools.  There are many more to which he will apply, but these are his favorites.   

            While I was gone, many of you left comments of support, some commiserating with the experience of dropping their child off at college, or just wishing me luck and enjoyment.  I even received two awards over at Letters from Valentina Hepburn, but since I’ve already posted about both the Versatile Blogger and Irresistibly Sweet Blog Awards, I will simply thank Valentina and move on.

My plan was to get right back into posting about writing and querying and all that, but since returning only a day and a half ago, I am thoroughly exhausted.  I don’t remember the last time I spent two whole weeks away from home, and perhaps it’s just my advanced age or the fact that I’m still pretty sick, but I haven’t the energy to devote to a witty, dynamic post. 

            But if you would be so kind as to indulge me, I would like to mention one more thing.  My friend, Lisa Regan, emailed me two days ago, while I was still in California, reminding me that it was our one year anniversary, that is to say it was one year ago that we met online via Nathan Bransford’s website.  I had posted a request for a critique partner in one of Nathan’s forums and Lisa responded.  We hit it off immediately and have since become best friends.  She has inspired me to be the best writer I can be, while also teaching me more than I thought possible.

I’ve often referred to Lisa as my writing soul mate, but she is much more than that.  When I have exciting news to share or need cheering up, she is always the first person I turn to.  I could not imagine what my writing experience would have been like over the last year without her. 

So cheers, Lisa!  Here’s to many more years together!        

To Prologue or Not

            Well, Monday was an interesting day in the blogosphere, what with everyone participating in writer Alex J. Cavanaugh’s It’s All Fun & Games Blogfest.  I thought about it and decided not to participate myself because, for one, I don’t like to post about anything that is not directly related to writing, and second, I really didn’t have a good answer.  I mean, I like Pictionary, Texas Hold ‘em and basketball, but besides Pictionary, they didn’t seem to fit into the genre everybody else was blogging about.  But I did find some really great blogs to follow and I even managed to snag a couple new followers myself, fellow writers Kittie Howard and M. Pax.  Thanks to both of you and welcome aboard!

Yeah, so I try to stick with only those topics related to writing, but I sometimes find it difficult to come up with new subject matter.  Such was the case this week.  Then I thought I’d write about what’s been consuming me lately in regards to my book.  For months now, I’ve been pretty content with my novel overall, except for the opening chapters.  First, I have a slight problem with the fact that agents and their assistants need immediate action within the first 250 words.  It seems to be a national thing that Americans need instant gratification.  No one seems to be able to wait in anticipation any more, even for just a page or two.  But that’s okay, I do have an opening chapter with tension, conflict and action. 

The thing is, I want to open up with something else.  Some might call it a prologue, and while it does read somewhat like a prologue, it’s actually a brief foreshadowing, only 261 words, where the protagonist ponders how he missed the moment he changed from the good man he once was into the villain he’s become.  I thought it appropriate since it bookends the overall theme running through my novel, complementing how he sees himself in the end.  But how do you query with submitted pages with this?  Agents don’t seem to want to see this sort of thing.

Well, I’ve waffled back and forth on this.  My heart tells me to keep it in, but something in my head is telling me to chuck it.  Nathan Bransford had a good post on this a couple of years ago which you can read here, but what he essentially says, or asks rather, is that if you were to take it out, could your book stand on its own?  My answer would be a resounding yes.  It’s not vital to the overall story, but it makes an impactful statement and I really like that. 

At first, I thought I could get around this by simply calling it chapter one, but it just doesn’t feel right.  And if I were to submit it as the first chapter with a query, the agent’s assistant would likely just toss it out, proclaiming it didn’t have enough action.  So last week, when writer Adam Heine wrote a post on When & When Not To Prologue, I commented, asking his advice.  He made a suggestion and I thought it a pretty good idea.  He said the chapter sounds like it's internal, as opposed to the protagonist being active, and while it totally might work, in general that's a red flag.  He suggested I remove the chapter heading, (which up to that point had been chapter one though it should have been a prologue,) because I probably wouldn’t want the first word the agent reads to be “prologue.”  He’s right.  I don’t.

So I have removed the chapter heading and I won’t be including it in pages submitted with my query.  I will start with the action, just like they want.  But now I’m worried about another item agents frequently complain about and want to know within the first 250 words:  What is the story about?  Well, you see, if I were to leave that darn prologue in, it would tell exactly what the story is about.  But I don’t seem to be able to have both. 

I kind of have a problem with the fact that agents want to know what the story is about in the first 250 words.  I mean, how do you even do that?  My friend, Lisa Regan, did this perfectly in her novel, Finding Claire Fletcher, a fantastic book being pitched to publishers as we speak, but then again, it was quite introspective, as well, yet it did not read as a prologue.  I still have a lot to learn from her.  She wants me to keep that foreshadowing chapter up front, but advises I do what makes me comfortable.  Having finally decided, I’m feeling more at peace. 

During the last week, I pumped up my new first chapter and, per Rachelle Gardner’s advice via her blog post What’s the Story on Backstory?, I’ve rewritten the backstory to be part of the action and dialogue.  I’m feeling pretty good about it all right now.  I think, after taking the last three months off, I am finally ready to start querying again. 

I’ve learned a lot since I first started querying and I won’t be going about it like I’ve done in the past.  I’ll be like the turtle, slow and steady.  I’m kind of used to the rejection by now, so I’m not too concerned with that.  I’m striving for more requests for partials and fulls.  And this time, with all the changes I’ve made, I hope someone sees something good in it, something worth offering representation. 

It’s been about ten months or so since I finished my first draft.  A lot of pain and heartache, joy and accomplishment, a lot of learning what the industry is all about and making of new friends within it.  I know I will never stop learning new things about writing and publishing, but I think I’ve finally reached that point where I’m comfortable with what I know, and even with what I don’t. 

            So, I’m curious, where do you stand on brief prologues or an opening chapter that doesn’t start out with a blockbuster explosion?  Is intrigue enough for you or do you want to be slapped in the face with action?  

Why I Blog: Following My Journey

           Last week, I wrote a post on blogs I love to read.  This week, I want to touch on why I blog myself.  To be honest, I never really had much interest in reading blogs or writing one either.  When I finished writing the first draft of my novel, The Mistaken, last summer, I started researching how to get published.  I found websites and blogs that shared all kinds of interesting information on writing, finding an agent and getting published.  The best blogs were those maintained by literary agents like Nathan Bransford and Query Shark’s Janet Reid, and writers like Anne Mini and Natalie Whipple.  Many of them mentioned how important it was to have an Internet presence such as a blog where agents or editors could check you out.  I thought, what the hell.  I can do that.  But I really didn’t know what in the world I should talk about.  And who would ever want to hear what I had to say anyway?    

I began checking out other writer blogs, people like me who were considered aspiring writers, yet unpublished.  (By the way, I hate that term “aspiring writer.”  I don’t aspire to write.  I do write.  I aspire to be published.  Big difference in my mind.)  A lot of them seemed to be simply daily journals, log accounts of their days, their lives, their families.  And while they might have been well written, they didn’t really interest me much.  I didn’t care about their “chipmunks,” their “rugrats” or “ninjas” or whatever they referred to as their children.  I wanted to read about their writing experience, their journey to become published authors. 

So I thought, that’s what I will focus on, detailing my trials and tribulations, my joys and heartaches, my quest to become a published writer.  And since it has been a rather emotional journey thus far, I found it easy to dig within myself and write about things that have affected me along the way.  It’s been a surreal experience, so I blogged about how I first got started on this wonderful trip and why I decided to take it in the first place, what I have discovered about myself along the way and who has influenced me.  I discovered my book’s theme, how music influenced my writing and having faith in the process.  Months later, when I was finally done with the revisions, I blogged about querying for an agent (a work in progress) and how much I missed living inside my story every day.  I even, ashamedly, blogged about my jealousy at the ease of which some celebrities find success in publishing.  (Sorry about that one!) 

I don’t know who reads my blog or if they are interested in those things, but I found when I read about similar accounts by other writers, I was buoyed by their tenacity, their unfailing faith that they would make it even though it is a painfully long and disheartening process.  Sometimes, though, just reading about how difficult it is for them makes me believe it will never happen for me, getting published, I mean.  But I won’t give up.  A part of that “not giving up” is continuing to blog every week or so.  Sometimes I just don’t know what to write.  I do keep a log on my phone when a blog idea pops into my.  I will roll the idea over in my mind, especially at night, even when I’m sleeping.  That’s a habit with me, dreaming about I should write about, be it my book, my revisions or my blog. 

A few of the writer blogs I read have a great many followers, folks who have signed up to follow their progress, read their writing and ramblings.  I think it’s cool that Natalie Whipple has 1300 followers even though she is not yet published.  1300—wow!  And Adam Heine’s Author’s Echo blog has about 150 followers.  (He’s amazing, by the way.  Very knowledgeable.)  Now, they have been blogging for five and four years respectively while I have only been doing so since last October—five months to date.  I do have four followers though, four generous people who I don’t know and, for whatever reason, have chosen to follow me—a nobody, a complete unknown.  And I am most grateful for those folks.  (I thank you from the bottom of my heart, really.)   

I don’t know how to cultivate more followers.  I am more or less a complete technical idiot and don’t know how to make my blog appear like I want it to.  I don’t know what gadgets are or how to insert photos and manipulate them.  I just picked a basic (and free since I’m a poor, struggling “aspiring” writer) template and added a bit of content—posts and pages.  I joined Networked Blogs through Facebook upon the advice of one of my followers, Laina Turner.  That has brought me quite a bit of traffic.  At least I think so, since I am a complete unknown.  And hey, I even got my first comment from someone I don’t know personally (no offense to my wonderful friend, Lisa Regan, who sometimes offers me encouraging feedback.)  That was exciting for me.  Silly, I know.  But hey, I am a complete unknown, a nobody.  I love getting comments no matter who they are from. 

I’ll keep working on this blogging thing, especially since I am now querying for a literary agent.  When I send out batches of queries—I’ve sent out about 28 so far—I tend to get a bit more traffic.  I think, wow, someone with power and influence might have just read words that I wrote!  And then I kind of panic and think, wow, someone with power and influence might have just read words that I wrote!  Oh no!  What was I thinking?

           This whole writing kick is such an unknown monster to me.  I am enjoying though.  I’m not technically proficient at it, my education was focused on architecture and design, not creative writing, but hey, I like to think of it as being intuitive for me, like playing the piano.  I’ve never taken a lesson, nor can I read music (at least not easily or well), but I can play some rather difficult pieces by Chopin, Mozart and Beethoven.  I have an ear.  I can pick a song out on the keyboard just by listening to it and sounding it out.  Hopefully, I will find an agent who feels the same way about my writing.  In the mean time, I will keep blogging and hoping that others will like what I have to say or at least get something from it.  And maybe a few more will follow me along the way.  It would be nice to have a few more companions because I think my journey will be a long one and I could really use the company! 

Blogs I Love to Read

            It has become a habit for me when I wakeup each morning to grab my iPhone off my nightstand and, before I even get out of bed, peruse my favorite blogs.  I read mostly writer, literary agent and publishing blogs.   I have my favorite blogs bookmarked to my homepage so all I have to do is click and read. 

I always start off with my favorite, Lisa L. Regan.  She doesn’t usually post more than once a week, but I check anyway, no matter the day, to see if she has written anything. Lisa is a writer, like me, and has written two books.  One of them, Finding Claire Fletcher, is now out on submission to various publishing houses and waiting to be picked up.  It is a fantastic read.  I met Lisa through former lit agent, Nathan Bransford’s blog forum.  She answered a post I made requesting a critique partner and we became fast friends.  In fact, she is one of my closest friends ever.  She has taught me a lot about writing, editing, critiquing and querying, as well as what it means to be a genuine friend.  She is the shoulder I always cry on when the process of writing and querying becomes too much or when I get bad news.  She is also the one I turn to when I have good news or just don’t know what to do next.  She blogs about all things writing, querying for an agent, good books to read, as well as her personal history.  I have come a long way because of her and cherish every word she writes.  We consider each other writing soul mates.  Check her out if you have the chance.

            The second blog I check out is Bookends, a literary agency blog.  I find Jessica Faust shares a lot of good information about querying for an agent and writing in general, as well as the life of a literary agent, all of which I find helpful and very interesting.  And her posts are generally very brief and to the point.  She has a long list of topics on her blog that any writer would find both helpful and fascinating.  And she's a no-nonsense kind of gal.  I really like that in an agent.

            After that, I tune into NatalieWhipple’s blog, Between Fact and Fiction.  She is another writer.  She writes Young Adult fiction, mostly fantasy or paranormal stuff, which is not really up my alley, but she is very personable and witty and she often writes about the trials and tribulations of writing, landing and losing an agent, being out on submission and rejection.  All the things I am most interested at this time.  Her insight is valuable and I take strength in her tenacity and fortitude.  And now she is aspiring to create a place where we writers can meet and hook up with critique partners who work in our specific genre.  I wish she had done that back in October.  Oh well, my loss.

            Next comes Dystel & Goderich’s blog.  They are a literary agency and usually have multiple daily posts about agenting and querying for an agent, as well as all things related to the publishing business.  It’s nice to have so many different perspectives to read among. 

            Others I read from time to time are The Rejectionist, who just left her position as an agent assistant to pursue her writing career.  She is hilarious and gives a lot of insight into the whole querying process.  I’m sad that I did not start following her earlier.  I also love Kristin Nelson’s  PubRants.  She is also a lit agent and she rants about all things associated with the publishing industry.  I really like her even though she rejected my query.  Her agency doesn’t really rep my kind of book, but I thought I’d give her a shot any way. 

A few others are Jennifer Hubbard (very sweet), Betsy Lerner (very tough), Adam Heine (very funny) and most especially Nathan Bransford whose blog taught me so much before I knew of anyone else or had any clue as to what I was doing.  He is the god of all agent bloggers though he quit agenting and now works for CNET.  He is very popular with 5000 followers.  (I have 4, all of whom I am eternally grateful for.)  And on weekends, I always go to literary agent Janet Reid’s Query Shark where aspiring writers send in their queries in progress for public humiliation and evaluation.  Too funny and actually very helpful.  By example, she tells you exactly what you should not do when querying for an agent.  Last weekend, she wrote an example of a perfect query, using the Bible as her work.  Both hilarious and insightful.    

            Last, but certainly not least, I read and follow Anne Mini’s Author! Author! blog.  She’s like Nathan Bransford on steroids.  A lot of steroids!  I only wish I had discovered her first.  She is a writer who grew up in the Bay Area, like me, and now lives in Seattle, also like me.   Her memoir, A Family Darkly: Love, Loss, and the Final Passions of Philip K. Dick, won the 2004 Zola Award, the Pacific Northwest Writers’ Association’s highest honor for a nonfiction book. She has also won numerous writing fellowships.  Anne, also an editor, has been blogging since 2005 and has covered and recovered every topic you could ever think of regarding writing, editing, publishing, querying and agenting, as well as a myriad of other related topics.  Her blog archives are so extensive and thorough, she could publish it into a virtual encyclopedia on all things writing.  I’ve been trolling through her posts for months and I’ve barely scratched the surface on all the things she knows.  And what I love best about her is that whenever I post a comment, she always writes back.  ALWAYS!  I absolutely LOVE her!  Her posts do tend to be rather long, but I find I get sucked in every time because she is so thorough and knows exactly what my questions will be.  I can tell she’s been there and done that.  Every aspiring writer should definitely check her out.

            I do have others I read occasionally and I am always looking for other blogs related to writing, agenting and publishing.  Let me know if you have one I should follow.

Finding My Book's Theme: Forgiveness

When I was reading Stephen King’s “On Writing” last month, I came across a passage on “thematic thinking” and it prompted me to contemplate my own work, to discover what exactly the theme of “The Mistaken” really is.  When I started writing it, I asked myself one fundamental question, “Could a genuinely good man be driven to do something truly evil and somehow find his way back to the man he once was?”  I certainly hope my story is believable.  I charted the man’s path and man him struggle with some pretty significant problems, but in the end, it all came down to one thing:  forgiveness.

Since I was first thrown on my journey, and by that I mean since I started this whole “I think I’ll write a book” thing, I’ve wondered why I ever thought to do it in the first place.  I’ve stated in earlier blog posts that this whole experience was extraordinarily surreal, that I’ve felt possessed by some force outside myself to write this story.  It was as if someone stood over my shoulder and whispered in my ear everyday exactly what I should be writing.  Because I certainly could never have come up with this stuff on my own, right?  Where did it come from?  I simply woke up one morning and the story was just there.  But why?  Why all of the sudden was it “just there”?

I’ve thought about that nearly every day since I first started writing because it feels like this is something I am supposed to do.  Am I supposed to do it to share a message?  Was I sent on this path to accomplish something personal?  Or perhaps I was meant to meet someone in particular?  Because I have met a few remarkable folks along the way, most notably my friend, Lisa.  She is what has stuck with me most on my journey.

I met Lisa Regan while searching for critique partners in Nathan Bransford’s blog forum.  Along with a few others, she responded to my post and a relationship was born.  She took me down paths I never would have otherwise even seen, prompting me to truly express myself, to become a better writer.  But more than anything else, she became my greatest confidant.  I consider her a great blessing, a truly wonderful friend.  Was I supposed to meet her?  Is that why I was hurled on this journey?  That would be fine with me, even if nothing else ever came of my writing this book, but I still can’t help but think there is something more to it.  I’d like to think that I was simply meant to write this novel.  Period.  But I wonder.  Is it the message itself that was supposed to reveal itself to me?

Twenty-six plus years ago, I had a child, a beautiful baby girl.  I wanted nothing more than to keep her, but circumstances, such as they were, worked against me and my parents, my father mostly, pushed me into adoption.  Because I was the ever-obedient daughter—or trying to be anyway—I went along with the idea, though it had to be on my own terms.  After an exhaustive search, I chose who her parents would be.  And after all these years, she seems to have blossomed into a wonderful young woman, currently serving in the Peace Corps in Thailand.  I try to believe I made the right choice, at least for her.  But down deep inside—subconsciously, at least—I hold a tremendous amount of anger and resentment toward my father.  I know this because in twenty-six years, I have never had one nice dream about him.  Every one is filled with anger and resentment even though I love my father dearly.  It’s never affected my relationship with him, but it’s there nonetheless. 

So, after reading Stephen King’s book, I began to ponder on the theme on my own book.  Forgiveness.  My whole story hinges on that element.  Skylar Karras, the protagonist, simply cannot move forward and get on with his life unless he learns to forgive, both others who have affected his life, and more importantly, himself.  I never meant to write a novel with a theme and I never even saw the theme revealing itself to me, even as I was actually writing it.  Lisa Regan somehow pulled that out of me by asking me to explain a few points that bothered her.  And viola!   There it was, the whole message of my book. 

Now I am wondering if that is the message on my journey, as well.  Is this what I am supposed to take away from this extraordinary experience?  Am I supposed to forgive my father so I can move on with my own life as far as my own daughter is concerned, so that I can truly love my dad like a daughter is supposed to?  I am crying here as I write this because I just don’t know.  I don’t know if that is what I am supposed to take away from this.  And I don’t know if I can actually do that, forgive on a subconscious level.  I want to, desperately so.  Because like my dear Skylar, I need to move on. 

I still want to believe that I was meant to write this story so that it may be published.  It is the greatest dream I hold for myself.  I want to do this in the traditional way, even though the publishing industry is in such a tremednous transition that it seems downright impossible.  Even finding an agent sometimes seems futile, especially after reading all the horror stories out there of un-agented writers still querying after many, many years. 

I am trying to follow the path I believe God has sent me down.  I swear I can feel His hand at my back sometimes.  I am trying to keep the faith, to believe in myself.  And I am trying to find my way and forgive the one thing that still burns in my heart after twenty-six years, three months and twelve days.

Hiho the Derrio a Querying I Will Go!

           Well, my friends, it is done.  My book, that is.  After ten months, I’ve finally arrived at the point where I can say that, where I feel I have nothing left to say, that is until someone in authority—an agent or editor perhaps—informs me otherwise.  Honestly, I could probably keep writing, editing, revising and adding until the day I die, but there has to be some point at which I tell myself, “That’s enough, honey,” and I think I’ve finally found that point.  I am satisfied, but I’m not happy about it.

I feel a great loss in my life right now.  I’ve spent nearly every minute of every day, twelve to eighteen hours a day, for the last ten months working on this story.  I have carved out lives for my characters and become intimately involved with them, and I mean intimately.  I have taken every step of their terrifying journey and experienced every emotional and physical blow they have.  I have wept at their losses and rejoiced at their victories.  And now I have stepped away from them and that hurts more than I can say.  It feels like I’ve lost a dear loved one, like they’ve moved far away and I might never see them again.  I miss them all so much.  But I want others to experience their journey, as well, and that won’t happen unless I find myself an agent and work towards getting published. So, my friends, I’m off to the land of querying.

During the last six months, I’ve educated myself on the entire process of properly formatting my manuscript, writing a kickass query and finessing remarkable synopses, both one and four page—thanks so much Nathan Bransford and Anne Mini.  While polishing my manuscript to a high-gloss, I’ve written, rewritten, edited and had my query and synopses critiqued by my wonderful friend, Lisa Regan, until they, too, sparkle and gleam like Edward Cullen on a sunny day (yes, I did read the Twilight series.)  So I am ready to march onward into that dark, terrifying abyss that is querying for an agent.  (Cue ominous music.)

 I’ve been reading all the blogs and forums where hard-working writers describe their querying experiences, and frankly, I am terrified!  It is so disheartening to hear how long—often years—and hard they have all been submitting their queries and receiving nothing but hundreds of form rejections, or even worse, no feedback at all.  Worse still is Natalie Whipple’s nerve-wracking story of being on submission for fifteen months!  FIFTEEN MONTHS!  And all that after landing the beloved Nathan Bransford as an agent only to lose him when he left the business this fall.  Alas, she did find another and seems quite content. 

But still, we writers really have no hope of publishing—traditionally, that is—unless we land ourselves an agent.  And even then, things are not guaranteed.  I read a recent blog by Betsy Lerner where she asked for her writer follower’s worst agent stories, and boy did I get an eyeful of disheartening and downright scary stories.  It’s enough to make an aspiring writer hide under the covers until the coming of the Apocalypse.  But I’ve worked way too long and way too hard to give up without even trying, no matter the bad news out there about how e-books and e-readers are ruining the traditional publishing industry.  I will prevail!

So it is with great enthusiasm and even greater hope that I now declare the opening of the Nancy Thompson Starts Querying Games!  Of course, I just had to pick the worst time of year to start the process, the dreaded holidays.  I hear most agents more or less close up shop between Thanksgiving and New Years then return to their offices positively swimming in a sea of queries received during that time.  Their advice?  Wait until after the Martin Luther King holiday to submit your query.  By then, the agent assistants will have worked their weary selves through most of the slush pile and be ever ready for more.  So that is my plan, readers.  In the meantime, I am compiling a list of appropriate agents to query, hoping somewhere in that list lies the agent of my dreams, someone who truly loves and believes in my book. 

           On a side note, and quite exciting at that, my friend, Lisa, has graciously referred me to her agent who read and accepted my query and then proceeded to request a full manuscript and synopsis!  A request for A FULL!  Can you believe that?  My very first serious query and she asked for a full!  I am humbled and happy and terrified all at once.  I couldn’t eat all day yesterday after I sent the package off to her (and some of you know how amazing that statement is.)  Now I realize this is a long shot.  I mean, come on, no one lands an agent on their first query, right?  Well, one can only hope, I guess.  She has my query and manuscript exclusively until January 17^th, after which I start querying in earnest, although I would love nothing else than to land this particular agent at any point in The Games.  So keep your fingers crossed—plus your toes and even your eyes—that I am successful at my querying endeavors.  And I could always use a few well-placed prayers if you’re into that.  I know I am!  God help me! 

And as always, I am looking for followers for my blog, so click that follow button, people and join me on my journey.  I am willing to do the same for your blog, as well.

How Music Influenced my Book

I’ve wanted to write this blog post for quite some time because it is about music and music is what started me on my new journey and what specifically prompted me to write my manuscript, The Mistaken.  I cannot live without music in my life.  It is everything to me.  It brings me joy and makes me reflect on all things, both happy and sad.  My very life has what I would call a soundtrack.  To this day, when I hear a song that was popular on the radio when I was say 13, I am instantly propelled back in time to 1977 and with it comes all the emotion I felt at that time.  It’s very much like a mental time machine. 

A few weeks ago, Nathan Bransford posted a blog asking a question: Do you listen to music when you write?  Well, yes, of course.  I couldn’t write if I didn’t listen to music.  But even more important is the inspiration behind the idea of my novel.  Never before was I ever inspired to write fiction.  I love to read and I enjoy helping my son with his homework when he has to write a paper, but other than that, I never felt compelled to write anything.  That is until I heard a particular song.

My husband bought me a car a few years back, a sexy BMW 330i convertible.  It is what I call my happy place.  I live near Seattle which, as many people know, is gray and rainy eight months out of the year.  So when it’s sunny, I jump in my car, put the top down, hook up my iPod and go for a drive, usually around beautiful Lake Sammamish.  Last spring during one of these rare moments, I heard a song that I’d downloaded for the first time.  It was Hurricane by 30 Seconds to Mars. 

The haunting lyrics and melody really struck a chord in me.  The chorus asks, “Tell me would kill to save a life?  Tell me would you kill to prove you’re right?”  Well, that really got me thinking.  What could possibly make someone kill, someone who always navigated on the straight and narrow path of righteousness?  Could a truly good person be driven to do something against their very nature?  That is the premise behind my novel and where it all started. 

I thought long and hard about that dilemma.  I even dreamed about it.  And when I woke up, it was like a switched had been thrown.  It was as if I woke up possessed by some unknown force who had the answer to that question and needed to write it all down in the form of a novel.  So I went along for the ride.  I started writing an outline for this story that was bursting forth from my brain at light speed.  I could barely keep up with my thoughts.  I had a complete outline in about four weeks.  And then I started writing and had my first draft in an additional six weeks.  I don’t know where it came from or why, but it could not and would not be contained inside me.  It simply had to get out.

During that time, I did listen to a lot of other music, but it was only with half an ear.  I really fell into the musical groove when I began to edit and revise.  I found myself listening to the same fifty songs over and over and that they inspired me in a spiritual way.  Weirder still, when I really paid attention to the lyrics to some of these songs, I realized they acted as an opera of sorts, putting my story into song.  I could literally hear my story in the lyrics to these songs.  It was so strange to hear my characters struggles come to life within the music.  It really freaked me out.

At first, after I realized how strong the connection was, I couldn’t get enough.  I listened to those singled out songs again and again as I revised The Mistaken.  I was driven by the emotion of my story set against the melancholy tunes and lyrics of these fourteen songs.  But then a problem arose.  I got too absorbed into my story, experiencing all the pain of human loss, the burning need of revenge, the relentless sense of guilt, the debilitating fear of violent death, the blinding need for forgiveness, the loss of hope and, ultimately, the joy of renewed love that makes up my book.  The problem with that is that I couldn’t find a way out of all the turmoil of those emotions.  Even when I jumped into my happy place, the music filling my car took me back into that dark, scary place my characters were living.  I began to feel trapped and then depressed.  I didn’t make the connection for a couple of months until I literally started to cry when one of the songs came over the speakers in my car.  I realized I had to break away from that music so I could feel whole and well again. 

So I stopped listening to my playlist as I revised and felt much better for it.  Now that I am finally done, I can sit back and listen to the music and see the story unfold.  I can cry for awhile and laugh at the end when I know my characters are reunited.  I feel a great sense of hope and accomplishment.  I would like to share that playlist and give a little insight to why each song means so much to my story.  I have embedded the music or lyric videos for the songs in the titles.  Just click on the song title to see the video and lyrics and hear the hauntingly beautiful music that inspired me.  (Click on the back button to return to my blog.)

Brother by Dark New Day

This song signifies Skylar’s (my protagonist) sadness at the loss of his parents and young sister in a car accident caused by his younger brother, Nick.

All the Same by Sick Puppies

At this point, Sky finally accepts that Nick, as troubled as he is, is all the family he has left and that he will always be there to help clean up whatever mess Nick gets himself into.

Without You by My Darkest Days

Skylar meets, falls in love with and marries Jillian, the love of his life and they are soon expecting their first child. 

Alibi by 30 Seconds to Mars

After Sky’s wife, Jillian, is killed, he says goodbye to her at her funeral then spirals into alcoholism.

Alone With Nothing by Smile Empty Soul

Despondent and bitter beyond reason, Sky’s soul is eaten away by his need for vengeance.  He and Nick fantasize, planning revenge against the stranger who drew Jill toward her death, a woman named Erin Anderson.

Hunter by 30 Seconds to Mars

Skylar, with the help of Nick’s associates, Alexi and Dmitri of San Francisco’s Russian mafia, misidentifies the wrong woman and stalks Hannah Maguire to her home in Seattle.

The Red by Chevelle

Skylar exacts his revenge during an unspeakable act of violence, but he instantly regrets his behavior and pulls back only to discover he has mistaken the wrong woman for his target.

All Is Numb by 32 Leaves

Realizing he cannot follow through with his sordid plans to turn the woman, Hannah, over to the Russians, Sky convinces her to leave her home and go on the run with him so that he can keep her safe and out of the hands of the Russians and a life of sexual servitude.

Change by Deftones

Nick confesses to Skylar that he purposely got Sky abusing alcohol in retaliation for Sky making Nick feel as if he is solely responsible for the accident that took their parent’s and young sister’s lives.  He uses this confession as an excuse as to why his brother should not attempt to save him from the Russians who have captured him.

Pieces by Red

After the all the guilt of his parent’s and sister’s death, the feeling of helplessness concerning Nick’s captivity by the Russians who are using him as leverage to force Sky to turn over the woman, and the overwhelming remorse and shame of what he has cost Hannah, Skylar experiences an emotional break down.  Hannah is desperate to help him.

Anywhere But Here by Sick Puppies

Sky is kidnapped by the Russian mafia and joins his brother, Nick, in captivity

The Battle Of One by 30 Seconds to Mars

Skylar witnesses the brutal dog-fight style battle that takes his brother's life.  He then finds out that Hannah has also been captured.  Sky himself battles his way out, freeing Hannah and killing one of the Russian bosses who is responsible for Nick’s death and Hannah’s recent assault.

A Modern Myth by 30 Seconds to Mars

Skylar is coerced by the FBI to testify against Dmitri, the last remaining Russian mafia boss.  Because he has to enter witness protection, Skylar must say a tearful goodbye to a heartbroken Hannah, admitting that they will never see each other again.

Breathe by Angels and Airwaves

After Dmitri’s death, Skylar is free to reunite with Hannah, but will she take him back? 

E-Books vs. the Real Thing

Last week, Nathan Bransford asked a question on his blog:  Will you ever buy mostly e-books?  And for the first time in the four years since he first asked this question, the yeas outnumber the nays, 32% to 30%.  I was not surprised since e-readers are the gift of the season this year and many of my friends and family now use them, but when I put the questions to myself, a woman who loves electronic gadgets of all sorts, I answered with a resounding NO!

There are several reasons why, most of them having to do with the nostalgia of holding a book in my hand.  There is something about the way a real book feels that is sensual in so many ways.  It’s almost like holding and caressing a lover in its sensuality.  First, I love the smell of the ink and the paper on a new book, especially a hardback.  I love to run my fingers over the pages from front to back and let the scent of the fanned air caress my face and fill my nostrils.  It smells almost as good as freshly baked break or newly ground coffee. 

And then there’s the feel of the book, its heft and breadth, the substantial bulk, that makes me happy.  And I love a really long, big, fat book because that means I get to be absorbed in a story and the lives of its characters for a very long time. I can fall in love with them and hug them as I pull the thick volume close to my chest before I put it down for the night.  I also love the way it feels when I rest an open book above my upper lip and below my nose as I gaze over the top edge at the TV or a loved one when they interrupt my reading.

When I read a real book, I place my thumbs along the open pages and slip the middle finger of my right hand into the as yet unread pages on the right, gauging how many pages I have left, how much more time I have remaining with my new love.  And when something I’ve just read confuses me, I love to fan back through those pages I’ve already read to find the previously read passage that will straighten me out.  When I do, I often note the few places where the corner of a page became dog-eared or where I spilled some food or drink, creating a small speck on the once clean paper, because I never, and I mean never, sit at the table and eat without a book opened in front of me.

My favorite passages often sit open at attention because I’ve run my hand over the binding so many times.  And when the book falls off the table or chair where I’m sitting, it automatically opens to that exact passage and I picture that scene in my mind all over again.  I even love the way I can see the texture of the paper beneath the contrasting ink.  And I love the cover art, which, if I’ve left the dust jacket on, I will see every single time I pick up my book, noting the placement of the bookmark and my progress through another magnificent story.  I love the way the title and author’s name are raised, pressed from below on the jacket so I can feel it every time I hold it in my hand.

Reading a book is so much more than just the story within.  That’s why publishers put so much time, money and effort into it.  I agree that e-readers are convenient, allowing you to carry every book you’ve ever known and purchased no matter where you’re going.  But I’ve spent a lot of money designing and building floor to ceiling library shelves to hold my most cherished collection:  my books.  They sit like pieces of fine art, deliberately displayed (without their dust jackets) and artfully arranged by author, size, color and topic.  They’re my trophies and I am very proud of them.  I feel like I have a piece of the author residing with me.  I often run my fingers over the spines of my growing library and smile as I remember each story, where I lived, or what I was doing when I read it for the first time.  They are like memories of my own life and I want to be constantly reminded of them every time I stand before the tall shelves.  And I can loan them to my friends, too.    

You just don’t have any of that with an e-reader and an e-book. 

It's a Sad Day for Me

When I started writing last spring, I began researching all the standards for submitting a manuscript and querying for an agent.  There's a great deal of information out there in the blogosphere and elsewhere on the Internet, but the best source I found, by far, was Nathan Bransford's blog.  He worked for Curtis Brown out of San Francisco.  He blogged about everything you could ever think of in regards to writing, querying and publishing and was probably the most sought after agent out there, the most popular at the very least.  

He always seemed so approachable and made the formidable goal of getting published somehow seem attainable.  I read his postings every day, searched back into all his old archives, read all the forums and followed him on Facebook.  I was thrilled for him when he got his own book deal.  His blog is kind of like home base for wannabe authors.  

Well today, those of us who consider Nathan to be a sort of god in the literary world we so greatly aspire to be a part of received just about the worst news possible, second only to him kicking the bucket.  Nathan has quit his job as literary agent to join CNET.  My first response was to lay my head down and cry my eyes out.  

Last night, after all these longs months of writing, editing and critiquing, I finally reached that point where I thought "I'm done!  I'm ready to move on and start querying agents." And Nathan would have been numero uno on my long list.  Actually, I did send five queries out last summer when I first finished and thought I was ready.  I did send Nathan a query, but received no response, which was strange because Nathan always responds to queries.  It's one of the reasons we love him.  

Of course, I regretted sending him that query because I realized a few days later that I was not actually ready.  So I was pumped to see a posting from Nathan informing those of us who had sent in queries within a small window of time that his server had been down and we should resend our queries.  I thought it was serendipitous that I was included in that group because I could query Nathan again when I was ready.  Which is now.  Only today I hear he's left the business!  UGH!  Talk about bad timing!

I know, I know, there are hundreds of other agents out there and the chance that Nathan would have picked me were minuscule, at best, but I was actually looking forward to that rejection letter since he is well known for personalizing his rejections and giving great feedback.  So at least I would know how to revise my query.  But no, he's gone and I feel abandoned.  I do have other agents whose blogs I follow, but there is simply no one out there quite like Nathan Bransford.  I am going to miss him so much.

And it's pretty bad timing, too.  During all these months, I've become very attached to the characters in my book.  They are like family to me.  I could have a love affair with my male protagonist, he's so yummy, though in a flawed, sad kind of way.  I'm finding it extremely difficult to be away from their world, even though it's scary and tragic.  I feel like I've lost them and Nathan in one fell swoop.  It's depressing in a schizophrenic kind of way.  Those four other heads I carried around on my shoulders for the last eight months are gone and the one person I looked most forward to sharing them with is gone, too.  It is a very sad day for...very sad indeed.  

Goodbye friends...I miss you all already (sniff, sniff).    
  
FYI:  On the right side of my blog you will see "Pages".  Click on "The Mistaken" and you can read chapters 1-18 (out of 50) of my book.  I'd love to know what you think.