Why Do We Do This?

Why do we do this?  Why blog?  Most of the folks I interact with online are writers, like me.  Many of us have written novels or memoirs we want to see through to publication, and part of that journey requires we “build a platform.”  That means we must establish a public identity, a soapbox, if you will, to display our talent or voice or whatever it is we want and need to exhibit.  It’s more or less so we become recognizable, build a following, have fans who might consider buying our books.  It’s part of the job.  But there’s no rule that says we have to.  It’s a choice to put ourselves out there for everyone to see and possibly criticize.

I wasn’t thrilled when I realized I needed to establish a blog.  It’s just one more thing on my vast list of things to do, and it’s a very time-consuming one, at that.  Not so much the actual writing itself, but rather the giving back, the trolling of all the other blogs, the reading, the following, the commenting.  It’s practically a full-time job in itself.  Just ask Alex Cavanaugh.  It’s playfully believed he has an army of clones who comment on all the blogs he follows.  So if it’s so hard, why do it?  Certainly our time would be better spent writing our stories, sending out queries, or agonizing over revisions.

What I’ve found is that, in this most solitary of professions or vocations, there are others just like me, who want to connect, who need to feel a part of something, a community, a brotherhood, a family.  We don’t compete against each other.  We’re there for moral support or a virtual hug, a pat on the back or smack upside the head.  We are a team.  I, for one, know for a fact that I could never have gotten as far as I currently have without all my writer and blogger friends.  It is the single most supportive community I’ve ever personally been a part of.  And I’m proud of that, of all the folks who populate that community.  Or almost all the folks anyway, until I read a few of the comments on one of Cassie Mae’s blog posts last week.

It was a sweet post, as Cassie’s often are, about being tagged and recognized for receiving several blog awards, ones she most decidedly deserves.  Yet, while nearly every one of her friends offered congratulations for being such an inspiration to others, a few commenters felt the need, or thought it was the appropriate place, to criticize Cassie for not being serious enough, for not putting herself high enough up on a platform, as the commenter erroneously believes all authors should.  To be above it all.  To be adult and write material so she can be taken earnestly as a writer.

My thought when I read one of those comments:  

  

Seriously, it’s like someone being invited into your bedroom, asked to sit down on your bed for a chat then proceed to rifle through your drawers, open your diary, read it, and criticize you for what you’ve written.  I mean, basically, that’s kind of what our blogs are, a journal of what’s important to us, what matters, what makes us happy or irritates the hell out of us.  Just because we open the door and ask someone if they’d like to come on in for awhile doesn’t mean they should be rude or offer unrelated, unwanted, uninvited opinions on a completely irrelevant topic.  And then to do so without even introducing themselves, without offering a link so their authority could be recognized, so the merits of their expertise could be verified, well, that’s just plain cowardly.  And if I may say so, not very writerly at all.

What was writerly though was the reaction some of her friends had.  They took a virtual step in between Cassie and her assailants and endorsed what we all believe, that our blogs are our own.  They are who we are, what we are, and how we are.  They are an extension of our lives, our beliefs, our interests, our talents, of our very personalities.  They are us.  And we are them.  Who’s to say we’re doing it all wrong?  By what authority?  Sure, I would never post anything inappropriate or embarrassing to my publisher or friends or family or anybody, really.  But what I say, what I write, if it’s about me, it belongs there exactly as I want it, as I’ve written it. 

It’s my blog and I’ll say what I wanna say, do what I wanna do, be who I wanna be.

What about you?  What do you think?  Why do you blog?

We Are Family - I Got All My Sisters With Me

Writing has often been described as a solitary occupation.  It’s something we do on our own, sitting by ourselves at our desk or wherever it is we like to write.  But the Internet changed everything.  Now we have a way to connect with other writers and not feel so alone.

I did this via Blogger, and I’ve met countless talented writers who are at various stages in their career, but who universally reach out and touch others like me who crave not just understanding, but friendship.  I might be tenacious and determined, but I seriously do not think I would have made it this far without my blogging buddies and the critique partners I’ve met online.

There are two in particular I’d like to feature here today.  They are both beloved critique partners, and now, they are both what I like to call my publishing sisters.  As most of you know, I managed to swing an unagented deal with Sapphire Star Publishing last March. 

Well, in April, my best friend and writing soul-mate, Lisa Regan, also joined the growing team at SSP.  Although I did mention her book deal, it came right in the middle of the A to Z Challenge, when all my posts were prewritten and scheduled well ahead of time, so I only briefly touched on her achievement.  But though it might have been lost in the chaos that was April, nothing in this world could have made me happier. 

You see, although Lisa and I have not actually met in person...yet—we will finally meet in October at BoucherCon—we’ve become about as close as two friends can be.  We email looooong letters to each other twice a week and constantly text each other when news is too urgent to wait for the email.  And we talk on the phone when one of us needs the extra support.  We started as critique partners, but have become as close as twin sisters.  And, with the exception of my mother, I love her more than any other woman I’ve ever known.  She is my rock, plain and simple.  And now, we get to share every stage of the publication process, side-by-side. 

Since I’m a couple of months ahead of her in that process, I share every detail, every problem, every accomplishment, knowing she will soon experience the very same thing.  I cannot even express how wonderful it is to have my best friend experiencing the same journey at practically the same time, and with the same publisher.  It doesn’t get much better than that. 

But then it did!  That’s right.  Another one of my blogging buddies and beloved critique partners signed her own book deal with SSP. 

Many of you already know Carrie Butler.  In addition to her wonderful blog, Carrie’s a skilled writer who’s penned a thrilling New Adult paranormal romance novel, plus, she’s an amazing graphic artist who’s designed numerous blog headers, buttons, and badges for her friends and followers, including me.  But more than anything, she’s been an unconditionally supportive friend to me.  She was there when I needed her, when I had to make one of the most difficult decisions in my writing career.  And now, she is also my publishing sister. 

So it’s the three of us together at SSP now, me the big older sister with her two younger siblings in tow.  I can’t begin to explain what this means to me.  I don’t have any real, from-the-womb sisters, only brothers, and I’ve always envied my friends who do.  There’s just something special about that bond.  But I think I have the next best thing with my publishing sisters.  We stand united in our goals, in our dreams, but more than anything, in our friendship.  It’s like a second and third dream come true, all within a matter of months.  How cool is that?!

If you could bring anyone along on your journey, who would it be and why?

Busy Girl!

It’s been a very busy time for me lately.  First, I had to deal with my edits.  Though I was very fortunate not to have that many, I still had a hard time with the few I did have.  That took time away from my blogging responsibilities, and so I apologize for being remiss with my reading and commenting over the last two weeks.  I was trying to get caught up when I received my proof from my publisher.  This is the PDF file formatted for printing 6 x 9 hard copies, and I needed to read it one last time for errors.  UGH! 

On top of all that writerly stuff, we have a big event in our family today, Monday June 11^th.  My seventeen-year-old son is graduating high school!!  YAY!! 

Yeah, you’d think this was news to celebrate, but he doesn’t even want to attend his own graduation ceremony.  I do understand where he’s coming from.  He hasn’t been to class there for two years as he’s been attending the local college full-time since the beginning of his junior year.  Plus, he’s never been overly fond of the school or students.  Let’s just say we live in an upscale community full of equally upscale people and leave it at that.  But still, I’m his mother and I want to see him graduate, though I think having the ceremony at Safeco Field where the Seattle Mariners play major league baseball is a bit much.  But whatever.

Even though he graduates on Monday, he still has class at the college until Thursday June 14th.  Within two hours of his last final exam, he and I will jump on a plane and jet off to Phoenix, Arizona to attend his freshman orientation and class registration at ASU in Tempe.  Talk about an abrupt transition!  WHOA!!  

We are both very excited about this trip (though I'm not looking forward to the heat.)  Since he won’t be bringing his car down, I want to spend some time familiarizing him with the public transportation so, come Thanksgiving and Christmas, he can find his way from campus to Sky Harbor International Airport.  Lucky for us, Phoenix has a wonderful light rail system that’s connected to the ASU campus. 

Can you tell I’m not quite ready to let him go yet?  I have only two months to get my head on straight about releasing him into the big bad world.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled.  I’m just gonna miss the hell out of him.  And seriously, I do not know what his father is going to do once he leaves.  It’ll be a huge transition for all of us.

Anyway, since I have so much to do for graduation and the trip to Arizona, I won’t be around very much.  I’ll still have my phone and my tablet so I can troll the blogs in my down time, but I might be a bit scarce.  I’ll return on Tuesday of next week and hopefully get back to all my favorite bloggy friends.  

What are your plans for the summer?  Any big trips?

Have kids going off to college like I do?

Wanna hold my hand while I cry?

Oh, and if you’re on Goodreads, don’t forget to add my book,

The Mistaken, to your TBR list.  Thanks!!

IWSG - Realizing the Dream

It’s the first Wednesday of the month.

Time for Alex J. Cavanaugh’s Insecure Writer’s Support Group.

I’m not s big fan of reality TV, but I do love to watch shows where ordinary folks strive to make their dreams come true.  My favorite is So You Think You Can Dance.  While I’m sure there is an inherent component involved, dancing is not like singing.  More than a talent, dancing requires skill.  To be good, you have to work at it, ad nauseum.  So when a dancer finally attains his or her dream, you know years of difficult physical labor have been applied.

I love those moments when a contestant performs flawlessly.  While the crowd roars, the dancer’s eyes fill with tears and she raises her hands to her mouth, shaking her head in disbelief.  That’s a moment of pure joy, of great accomplishment.  Whenever I witnessed one of those moments, I would cry and vow to myself that I would have a moment just like that.

Of course, I’m not a dancer.  I’m a writer, and as such, I strive to be published.  That’s my dream.  Many of you know how difficult this journey can be.  With the industry in upheaval, and the gatekeepers more rigid than ever, it seems an impossible feat, especially for a debut author.  But I’m here to tell you that while it is hard and takes a lot of work, it’s not impossible. 

There are many paths to publication, and I think it’s in every writer’s best interest to understand and consider each and every avenue.  Limiting yourself to only one route diminishes your potential for success.  You have to be willing to not only explore each boulevard and byway, you must also be willing to accept them as credible sources of publication.  Dinosaurs became extinct for a reason.  Their world imploded.  Other forms of life proved more adaptive and therefore viable. 

That’s my message: be adaptive.  Know, understand, and consider all your options and opportunities.  And don’t look down your nose at any one as being less effective or acceptable.  Ayn Rand once said, “The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.”  I don’t think the hard part is knowing which rung is best, but rather accepting each rung as a possibility. 

Which paths to publication have you considered?

Traditional?  Only the Big 6?  A small press?  Self-publishing?

                       

Goodreads

I usually post on Mondays, but since it’s the beginning of the month,  I’ll be saving myself for 

Alex J. Cavanaugh’s Insecure Writers Support Group on Wednesday.  In the mean time, I wanted to share something with you. 

Though I’ve been a member of Goodreads for a while now, I was just granted an author’s page  and have listed my forthcoming novel, The Mistaken.  So if you’re on Goodreads and interested, click on the link and add my book to your TBR list.  And add me as a friend.  Goodness knows, I can use all the friends I can get!

Tell me, do you use Goodreads to connect with other readers and writers?  Do you ever find good book recommendations using Goodreads? 

COVER REVEAL!

Here it is, minus the forthcoming author blurbs

I’m so excited to reveal the cover for my book!  As a debut author, the cover art is the first tangible evidence that this is all real, it’s actually happening, and I’m not just imagining it all.  

Sapphire Star Publishing has worked hard to involve me in every step along the way, including my ideas for the cover.  Their artist incorporated every facet I imagined, and with spectacular results, I think.  Gripping covers are imperative in the book business.  An author has about three seconds to attract and hold the attention of a potential reader.  My cover needs to say, with as simple an image as possible, exactly what the story is about.  I think it does it does just that.

Here’s the synopsis:

All Tyler Karras wants is to enjoy life with his expectant bride; what he gets instead is a graveside seat at her funeral.  With the woman who killed her uncharged and still free, all Ty wants now is revenge.  His brother, Nick, has dangerous connections and suggests a sadistic plan: grab the woman responsible and hand her over to his associates—sex-traffickers in San Francisco’s Russian Mafia.  They offer Ty more than he dreamed possible.  In exchange for the woman, they’ll finally let his brother leave the business for good—with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating.

There’s just one problem: Ty kidnaps the wrong woman. 

Now he must protect her from the very enemy he’s unleashed, but the Russians are holding Nick as leverage to force Ty to complete their deal.  Caught in a no-win situation, Ty must find a way to save himself, his brother, and the woman, but with the Russian Mafia, even two out of three makes for very long odds. 

So what do you think—do you like it?  Do you gravitate toward covers that appeal to you and weigh the art against the synopsis before buying?  

   

Sucked In By a Great book

Welcome back from the long holiday weekend.  How did you spend your time?  With your family perhaps?  Hanging out at the pool?  Working the BBQ?  Before I had my son, my husband and I spent the warm summer holidays with our friends out on the lake or river, swimming and waterskiing.  Up here in Seattle, however, the weather is not very conducive for those kinds of activities, at least not this early in the year.  Yeah, if we’re lucky—and we have been so far this spring—the weather might be warmer, but the rain is an ever-present threat, and the waterways are still cold from the mountain snow runoff.  It makes it hard to plan anything outdoors before the 4th of July.

I was pretty tense last weekend after working on edits for my book, and I was stressed over some personal drama that played itself out over the Internet.  I needed to relax.  I had to find something to do, something that would cost me nothing, yet take me away as if on a mini vacation.  So I jumped into a great book. 

I read  Down River by John Hart.  I love a good suspenseful thriller, especially when it involves an everyday guy rather than some PI or police detective who already knows all the tricks.  I prefer an ordinary Joe who finds himself ass-deep in trouble.  But Hart’s Down River is so much more than just a good story.  It’s poetic.

It’s been a while since I was sucked into a story the way I was with Down River.  I pondered over what it was exactly that pulled me in so forcibly and refused to let go.  I think it was a remarkable combination of things, but overall, it came down to the writing.  Hart has a way with words that’s nearly indescribable.  He hits on every beat, every sensation.  You’d think that’d be tedious, walking through every movement, thought, and reaction, but not the way Hart does it.

He writes with deep emotion crackling across every surface, warping every word and reaction.  His words made me feel the heat pulsating off the asphalt.  I could smell the smoke filling my lungs.  I could nearly taste his words, roll them around in my mouth and sample the flavor of his character’s world and emotions.  Down River was very much about the setting, but only because of the way the main character felt about it.  And that made al the difference in the world.

Don’t get me wrong, the story is everything, captivating and suspenseful.  It’s about family and friendship, scorn and love, forgiveness and resentment, longing and loss, expectation and disappointment, all wrapped around a series of mysterious events.  I thought I knew who-dunnit at least three separate times, but I never saw it coming, the ending, the big reveal.  It was truly shocking, and I’m almost never surprised anymore. 

So now I’ve found a new author I love, whose words I will savor as slowly as possible, whose books are so awesome that, even though I have no room for them in my meager budget, I will give up something special and necessary in order to buy them, even after I’ve already borrowed them from the public library. 

When was the last time you were completely sucked into a book, so much so that you stayed up all night reading, unwilling to put the book down?  And what was it about that book that kept you so enthralled? 

Oh and by the way,

I will be revealing the cover for my book,

THE MISTAKEN,

on Friday, June 1st.

So come on back over and let me know what you think!

Never Forget

Memorial Day by Michelle Keim

As we stand here looking
At the flags upon these graves
Know these flags represent
A few of the true American brave

They fought for their Country
As man has through all of time
Except that these soldiers lying here
Fought for your country and mine

As we all are gathered here
To pay them our respect
Let's pass this word to others
It's what they would expect

I'm sure that they would do it
If it were me or you
To show we did not die in vein
But for the red, white and blue.

Let's pass on to our children
And to those who never knew
What these soldiers died for
It's the least we can do

Let's not forget their families
Great pain they had to bear
Losing a son, father or husband
They need to know we still care

No matter which war was fought
On the day that they died
I stand here looking at these flags
Filled with American pride.

So as the bugler plays out Taps
With its sweet and eerie sound
Pray for these soldiers lying here
In this sacred, hallowed ground.

Take home with you a sense of pride
You were here Memorial Day.
Celebrating the way Americans should
On this solemnest of days.

Rejection at Every Stage

Rejection sucks.  Everyone knows that.  But as writers, we’re used to it, right?  I know I’ve had my share—from my first ever critique partner who thought my first draft was so bad he couldn’t possibly continue, to dozens of agents, a large handful partials and fulls—I’ve had ‘em all. 

At first they hurt, like real bad.  Then my skin started to thicken, and I didn’t let them bother me so much.  But that’s not to say rejection didn’t affect me.  The reason I queried my publisher instead of tackling another round of literary agents is because I wasn’t quite up to hearing the same old thing from the same old people.  Not that I expected any different from Sapphire Star, mind you, but it would have been rejection at a whole new level, and maybe it would be an experience I could actually learn from.  Maybe I’d get real, constructive feedback. 

Well, you know the story already; it all worked out for me.  So at that point, I thought I’d be safe from rejection, at least for a little while anyway.  Yeah, right!  See, if you have a book coming to market, you want to give it a leg up.  You want to put on a nice shine that sparkles in the sun, that’ll attract attention like metal to a magnet.  I figured a good way to do that would be to have an author endorsement or blurb on my book’s cover.  But how do you get one?  That’s right, you got it—you query.

It’s a whole new round of letters to authors you love and admire but don’t typically know, at least not personally.  I found just coming up with more than a handful of worthy names a challenge in itself.  My publisher suggested I start with a list of at least twelve, which made me giggle, albeit a bit hysterically.  With the occasional exception, I tend to read the same authors over and over.  What can I say, I’m loyal.  But having a limited list meant my chances weren’t good, and I found that a bit depressing.  My publisher said not to worry.  They’d provide a praise page— reviewer blurbs—if I came up empty, which I was sure I would.

I wrote seven letters to my all-time favorite published authors.  I was just hoping to get an answer, a return email.  And I did.  I received two emails which were so incredibly kind that I didn’t care that they had rejected me.  The next morning, I woke up to a third, this one polite, though curt. 

Then came my first acceptance!  I was so happy, I cried, especially considering who I was asking.  I thought, that’s it, that’s all I need.  I’m totally happy.  But then I received another yes, from a NY Times bestselling author, no less.  And he was so humble, only too happy to accommodate me.  Wow!  That’s all I could say.  WOW!! 

(No, this isn't the actual blurb!)

So I’m set now.  How cool is that?  Pretty damn cool I think.  Yeah, I never did hear back from those remaining authors, one of whom is my all-time number one favorite, whose collection of fourteen bestsellers sit front and center on my library shelves.  But I’m okay with that.  Rejection helps keep me humble. 

And it’s a lesson, a good one: when you’re a writer, rejection never ends, no matter which phase you’re currently in.  I’m sure I’ll have my fair share of the ultimate rejection—the crappy review.  But I’m cool with that, too.  I know this business is subjective, and I can never make everyone happy.  Besides, it’ll just make me work all the harder next time. 

So what have you learned from rejection?  Does it still hurt, or does it slide off your back like eggs on Teflon?

       

First Loves Blogfest

Today is Alex J. Cavanaugh’s First Loves Blogfest

in which we post about our first loves –

first movie, first song/band, first book, and first person.

Four loves, one blogfest!

This one is both easy and hard for me.  Hard because I’m in the latter half of my life and the view back through all those previous years is cluttered with a sundry of memories, all clouding the origins of my first loves.  But here goes, at least to the best of my dim recollection:

First Movie Love:

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

As a high school senior in California back in 1982, this film encapsulated my life.  It’s the story of a group of California teenagers who enjoy malls, sex, and rock n' roll!

First Song/Band Love:

Whole Lotta Love by Led Zepplin

What can I say?  It’s frickin’ Led Zepplin, for God’s sake!

First Book Love:

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

I loved this book so much, I couldn’t put it down.

I was reading it during a lecture in geometry class and started crying when Johnny died.

(Buy it here on Amazon)

First Person Love:

My husband, Eric!

Wasn’t he hot?  Still is, too!

I was 17 when I met him.  He was 15, but looked a lot older.  It was lust at first sight!

It took us awhile, but we finally married 8 years later,

and we’ve lived happily ever since!

Laugh all you want, but big hair was the bomb back in 1990!

So what were your first loves?

A to Z Challenge: Reflections Post

Well, I’ve had a week to rest up after the 2012 A to Z Challenge, and boy, did I ever need it.  I never expected the Challenge to be so…well…challenging.  It wasn’t having to write all those blog posts either.  For me, that was a snap compared with all the reading and commenting I did.  That’s where all my real energy went.  And I suppose that’s where most of my complaints lie, as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy the Challenge, it’s just that I don’t think I reaped what I sowed.  I’m not sure how many new followers I gained, but in comparison to how many new connections I made, to how many new blogs I followed, it was a pittance.  I chock that up to the number of newbie bloggers I followed overall.  I want to believe these neophytes don’t understand the concept behind returning the favor. 

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and I certainly do not expect every blogger I follow to answer in kind, but when a blogger only has a handful of followers and someone shows up, reads their post, then comments on the content, I think they should at least stop by for a return visit.  But, it is what it is, and I can’t change how others respect the principles of etiquette.  No hard feelings.  I just sometimes wish it was as easy to find and unfollow blogs as it is to do the same on Twitter.  Maybe someone should come up with a Blogger edition of ManageFlitter.

I will say, though, that I did meet a lot of wonderful people, mostly other writers like me.  I found their blogs informative, funny, and educational.  Some just wanted to make a connection, like me, to someone who was interested in the same things they were.  I like those folks, and I loved the generous spirit of their blogs.  Ultimately, that’s why I chose to participate in the A to Z. 

I must say, though, that there were a lot of irritating things about trolling through the list of participants.  For one, that list?  Yeah, way too long!  Insanely unmanageable.  I think I would have liked to see some way to classify the blogs.  I mean, personally, I was searching for writing or writer blogs, folks like me.  I wasn’t too interested in the knitting or crocheting or quilting blogs or what have you.  Yet I often couldn’t tell just by looking at the blog title.  So I tuned in only to take a quick peek around and dash on back out if it just didn’t interest me.  It would be time-saving to have the blogs listed by content, nature, or subject.

Other than that, the things that were like a burr under my saddle were:

• Google Friend Connect not allowing me to follow and constantly having to re-sign in
• Music that starts blaring the moment I tune into a new blog and then not being able to turn it off.  (Hey, not everyone likes your taste in music, so why alienate people?)
• Bloggers NOT turning off that blasted Word Verification feature…argh!!
• Double Word Verification for each blog I want to follow after following more than a certain number during that day.
• Bloggers who didn’t take the Challenge seriously and keep up, only posted a few times, or didn’t post at all even though they were listed.
• Listing a blog that was private and would only allow invited guests to read.  Why enter the Challenge if your blog is private?
• A blogger not attaching their blog to their profile so I could visit and possibly follow back.

Each and every one of these items made me sigh and roll my eyes.  I’m not sure what’s up with Google Friend Connect or if anyone else had the same problem I had, (and still have) with following blogs, but I found it very frustrating not to be able to connect with a good blogger.  But overall, I had a good time and I met some extraordinary people.

The big question, of course, is will I do it again?  At this point, I’m not sure.  Probably not if there isn’t some way to classify the blogs by subject.  But then again, I’m always up for a good party and the A to Z is the biggest of the year.  I do want to thank all those who dropped by and left comments, whether or not you followed.  I love comments more than anything. 

And to the one man who came back every single day without fail and left a kind comment—Alex Cavanaugh—my crush is stronger than ever!!

Extreme Makeover - Blog Edition!

As an author racing towards launch day, I’m taking small steps to “establish my brand.”  That means creating a unique trade identity that effectively represents my product—my book(s). 

When I first developed my blog, it was all about my “hopeful journey towards publication.”  But now that publication looms a few short months away, I need to refocus and accurately characterize my professional label.  And so, since I write rather dark, twisted psychological thrillers dealing primarily with revenge and redemption, I felt a new look was in order. 

I first had to create a slogan that embodied my work, then devise a web page that graphically demonstrated it.  At this point, I don’t have the funds to pay someone to do that, so I did it myself, but with the help of a generous friend and supporter, writer Carrie Butler.

As one of my talented critique partners, Carrie completely understands the concept behind my soon-to-be published novel, The Mistaken.  And last night, as a way of congratulating me for my recent book deal, Carrie sent me a gift.  She designed the banner at the head of my blog.  I am blown away by her generosity, not to mention her extraordinary talent, both as a writer, and now as a designer. 

Thank you, Carrie, from the bottom, the top, and every side of my heart!

So, what do you guys think?  Isn’t it hot?  Haha, pun intended!

IWSG: Weebles Wobble

It’s the first Wednesday of the month, time for

Alex J. Cavanaugh’s Insecure Writer’s Support Group.

I was busy posting for the A to Z Challenge last month, so I forgot to write for the IWSG.  The last time I posted for the group in March, I was deliberating whether or not to concede to a major revision in order to get my book published.  Well, as most of you know, I did concede, and I got my book deal, but does that make me any less insecure?  Well, in some ways, yes, but in many others, no, not at all.

I suppose what made me most insecure was not landing an agent with my query, and I still haven’t achieved that, even if I did manage to land the bigger fish—the publisher.  I never really liked the idea of a gatekeeper anyway, but still, having the approval of one is a mighty form of validation, one which I desired.  So in that sense, I am still insecure. 

And I still worry obsessively, too, just about different things, things that are more or less out of my control.  But when you agree to publish, you have a very limited amount of control.  I’m an artist, so I have definitive ideas about my book’s cover, and while my publisher listened to my ideas, they are still the ones to decide what it’ll be.  I’m also worried about the edits, which are coming soon.  Though I’ve been assured there isn’t much to change, I know I’ll still have to kill a darling here or there—words, not characters.

 

Of course, my biggest insecurity is wondering how well my book will do once it’s released in October.  Its success will ride mostly on word-of-mouth.  Sure, there will be marketing and blog tours and reviews and all that, but you and I know that most books are made or broken by word-of-mouth.  And my audience is adult, a most discerning crowd. 

So while I’ve had my own brand of validation from my publisher, it’s all still a crap shoot.  Sure, I’ve had my share of accolades, which I am greatly appreciative of, but while many of those are from writers, they have since become my friends, so there’s some built-in bias there.  Come October, what are total strangers going to think?  Now there’s the true rub.  At this point, I feel kind of like one of those Weebles.  I wobble a lot, but I haven’t yet fallen down.  I just hope it stays that way.